The holidays is fast approaching and here I am still unable to sleep and speechless of everything that has happened since the start of the year. Listening to a classic song, The Best of Me by David Foster, not that I can totally relate to the song, I am really pondering to the deepest sense I am capable of, nonetheless I cannot fathom God's plan for me and for the rest of the years to come.
Yesterday, I went to TTSP to claim my certificate of employment and some other important things when I realized upon reaching Balamban that indeed, I was not remorseful with my decision to leave my previous job. Every memory I thought I may have forgotten went back, how I weighed things up, how I viewed every possibility and it all ended to simply quitting my job because I need to further explore myself in relation to my chosen profession and passion as well. Though a lot of factors I have also considered during those times of dilemma, I guess those will remain undisclosed due to its sensitivity. When I reached the Industrial Park, I was somehow reminded why I held on to my job for almost a couple of years, and yes it mattered. It mattered so much that I know my stay there was irrevocably memorable. I don't find it hard to admit that I missed my friends, my cubicle, my jogging place, my former room, my environment around CIPDI, my previous paradigm, but I don't find it hard to admit either that back then when I handed my letter of resignation, I was extremely excited to get out and leave so that I can finally trail another road. Yesterday I realized that there are things I have to let go, no matter how painful it would be, that I have to cherish life today because these are just mere consequences of the decisions I have made before, that my friends that were part in molding my life before will still have a part in me today but a lot more different than that of the days I spent in Balamban. Change, always constant, I know. I just miss them. Our bond, our silly times, everything. It was a pack I will forever cherish. Three quarters of my 2011 were spent with them, and my birthday last March was one of the best! I have found real good friends in such an unusual pack.
I am not remorseful with my current job either. I am even happy and fulfilled I am finally pacing the road I wanted to walk on. I have been passionately exerting my best effort to learn and as well as enjoy what I have been doing. I can feel the sense of fulfillment in every project I'd finished and it's totally overwhelming to see my work in the computer monitor. My Master's Degree started with twists and turns with all the time constrictions and countless tasks in the office and in school. Just like those times in TTSP when I would ask myself if I am still doing the right thing, I would still ask myself the exact question now, but then my answer before totally differs from my answer now. All I know was that everything before was uncertain which is very much unlikely to my situation now wherein I would just relax and tell myself that whatever struggles I am undergoing now, will result to a better tomorrow, that someday, I know, I will have something to harvest worthy of my struggles now. Should I continue doing this? Of course. There is no point returning, only another left turn or right perhaps.
I am looking forward to another turn next year. Still uncertain for a lot of things but then I would simply look up to the heavens and lift up to Him everything. He gave this to me, I have no doubt about that. It will still be the same learning but a little further and I know I have to allow growth a lot faster now. I can't believe how this year created a maze in me. I am thankful to the Lord for everything. I have no idea how and why He has given all these to me now, and I don't even know if I will ever found out the answers to my countless questions, I just have to trust Him more fully. I have gone this far because of Him, and I don't think I can go a lot more farther without Him. Saving the best for next year, excited, crossing fingers, keeping my feet on the ground. Everything will be just fine.
0 comments:
Post a Comment